Biographies Staff Biographies Jack Ketchum - Management
| Jack Ketchum - Management |
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Jack Ketchum is an American businessman and a reknowned entertainment promoter. Ketchum was born on a dairy farm near DairyLand, WI and lived there with his parents, Galvin Ketchum and Morrow Coffey-Ketchum, and his 9 sisters until the age of 11, when he struck out on his own to find fame and fortune. In the summer of 1971, Ketchum met Harry "Loosey-Goosey" Gooseman in an empty cargo car on an eastbound train. Gooseman taught Jack the tricks of the promotion and entertainment trades over the course of their three day journey in exchange for a half-sack of cherry-flavored chaw. The people of Townshend, VT were the first to witness Ketchum's newly acquired promotion skills, when in the course of 3 hours in April he sold over 13,000 tickets for an impromptu banjo concert by "Deaf, Blind and One-Armed Jarvis 'Diddley-Doe' Brown". Ticket sales for this event exceeded town population by a factor of nearly 1000-1. Gooseman was so impressed with Ketchum's affinity for promotion and management that he suffered a massive coronary, stumbled in front of the very train that had brought the two of them together and was dragged for thousands of miles until his tattered remains were finally spotted under the train by a group of young Mormons who were bringing a homemade pepperoni pizza to an arthritic old woman in Salt Lake City, UT.
A magnetic but often difficult personality, Ketchum's management style attracted elements of America's now legendary counterculture of the time such as Blistered Fingers, Kinky Jet Airliner, Country Fish and The Joe Mamas, Lawrence Fishburn, The Rolling Doobies, Pill Box, and a particular favorite of Ketchum's, The Velvet Whores (Dynamo Habeeb's first band). The success and popularity of the acts that Ketchum promoted allowed him to become one of the top-grossing entertainment managers of the 1970-80s. He retired from Rock management in 1985.
In 1993 Ketchum was asked (via carrier pigeon) by Dynamo Habeeb to manage his new musical project - The Deadites. Although Jack was comfortably living out a life-sentence for stealing 500 chickens and 3 goats in a Mexican prison, he reluctantly agreed and was spirited away under the cover of darkness to the join The Deadites in Necronomicon, MA, USA. Since returning to rock management and working with The Deadites, Ketchum has broken nearly every industry record and has graced the covers of "Folks", "Them" and "Whoa!" magazines.
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I'm friggin' pissed!
Someone ate my last half gallon of vanilla bean ice cream that I had in the sub-zero walk-in freezer. It was clearly labeled "TINY WIGHT's VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM, ASSHOLE. NO TOUCHY."
I just got back from the grocery store with all these sundae fixin's and now I'm standing here with MUD on my face. Whoever took that ice cream, I swear to you "I will punch your fucking lights out".
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