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Biographies Tiny Wight Monster Hunting Tips The Garlic Myth | The Garlic Myth |
| Written by Tiny Wight | |
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Hi folks, Tiny Wight here with another monster hunting tip to add to your knowledge base. It is a commonly accepted fact among monster hunters that garlic is not an effective vampire deterrent. After years of research I believe I've finally uncovered the origins of this myth. In generations past, when vampires and vampirism were more widespread and their existence was more commonly acknowledged and journaled, many observers noted that an attacking vampire would shy away from people known for their affinity for garlic! How weird?  This is Garlic Asshole Isn't it obvious, you jerk? How would you react if you had a super-sensitive-sniffer and were standing downwind from some stank nasty, garlic, onion and sauerkraut eating, unshowered, unkempt, whiskey-drinking, pissed in your pants, I-can't-believe-how-nasty-you-is... STANKY person? You'd be out of there faster than a beef and black bean burrito bomb through Dynamo's digestive system (we're talking laser beam fast). In closing I say this to you, my readers - never freshen up before a fight with a vampire; it could be your undoing. Well, now you know all about it - and knowing is better than being an ignorant asshole.
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Hunting Tips
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I'm friggin' pissed!
Someone ate my last half gallon of vanilla bean ice cream that I had in the sub-zero walk-in freezer. It was clearly labeled "TINY WIGHT's VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM, ASSHOLE. NO TOUCHY."
I just got back from the grocery store with all these sundae fixin's and now I'm standing here with MUD on my face. Whoever took that ice cream, I swear to you "I will punch your fucking lights out".
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